What to do on Wednesday 6/23

For many of you Americans out there, (especially all of you that "Aren't Listening) you may be a bit confused. I know this soccer thing is confusing; the standings, the tiebreakers, the vuvuzelas. But honestly Wednesday is a pretty simple day for Sam's Army. We need to win.

For those of you who don't quite get soccer, let me put it this way. We can liken the game against Algeria on Wednesday as Game 6 of the League Championship Series. Right now we are up 3-2, unless you are Koman Coulibaly, then it's tied at 2. We need to win is the mentality, that keeps Game 7 from happening. When you win Game 6 of the ALCS you are in to the World Series. We already got through the Divisional Series in CONCACAF Qualifying, now we must fight through the LCS (Group Stage) in order to get the World Series (the knockout round).

Hopefully I've cleared that up.

Now, if we lose... we go home... So then why isn't this Game 7 if we go home with a loss? Well you see we need to win, but if we don't we still stand a chance.

So we don't need to win, but we need to win. You see a tie, keeps us alive. But you know what they say about ties? Do you really want to HAVE TO kiss your sister in order to stay alive. An interesting philosophical debate for another time, but we are talking about soccer now.

We need to win, but just in case, who do you cheer for? Well it's actually pretty simple. You see, Slovenia are on top of the Group with 4 points, the US and England are tied with 2 and Algeria sits at the bottom, but they're 1 point is a sniper sitting on a hill, 500 yards away, just waiting for his moment. If the US were to draw (the fancy term for tie), that sniper would be sent back to home base. And the US would be on 3 points, and as long as Slovenia win would go through. So you see we should cheer for Slovenia in the case of a tie.

Now it's possible that Slovenia doesn't come through in our time of need. Not to worry, we still have another out. We don't need to an "Ace on the river card" to win this hand. In fact all we need is a low pot that gets split. You see, the tiebreaker in the World Cup is goal differential. But with 3 ties your goal differential is 0. So they look at goals scored. Right now the US holds a 3-1 advantage over England. In the case of two draws, all the US has to do is score less than 2 goals less than England. In other words unless England draws 4-4, the US are in pretty good shape but we need to win.

We need to win because we could win the group. Yes, it's possible. You see, depending on how many goals England score, we could win the Group. And depending on how many goals England score, we might not advance.

Both games start at the same time, so on Wednesday when you have your picture in picture, or you go somewhere with more than one TV (recommended) here is the breakdown of what you should do in a few situations.

-England go up 1-0 in the 7th minute, we are still tied at 0: Don't freak out, the US have plenty of time. In fact if we win 1-0 we still would win the group.

-US go down 1-0 in the 7th minute, other game still tied at 0: Don't freak out, the US have plenty of time. In fact if we win 2-1 we still win the group.

-US go up 1-0 in the 7th minute and the other game is still tied at 0: Don't freak out, the US have plenty of time. But this would be a perfect way to end the games.

-Slovenia go up 1-0 in the 37th minute, we are still tied at 0: Grab your friends and do the little circle dance thing that they do. Since Slovenia is a small country, Tony Meola Sidekick Soccer just came out on SNES and I'm pretty sure thats where they got the goal celebration from. (I know I'm the only person who gets that joke, but then again, I'm the only person who reads this.)

-Both games are tied at 0-0 in the 37th minute: Get another beer and go to the bathroom you probably won't miss anything.

-England go up 1-0 in the 73rd minute, we are still tied 0-0: Start cheering for Slovenia and of course keep cheering for the US, if either one scores life goes on.

-England go up 3-2 in the 73rd minute, we are still tied 0-0: Now we are in trouble, at this point Slovenia really can't help us, we need to score. ***(If we were to win 1-0 it would be extremely fun, to break the tie they go to Goal Differential)

-Algeria go up 1-0 in the 73rd minute: Freak out!

-US go up 1-0 in the 88th minute, the other game is tied 0-0: Freak Out! And start tossing high-fives like beanbags in a cornhole tournament (carefully, but have fun)

-US go up 1-0 in the 88th minute, the other game is tied 1-1: We go through, but when the dust settles we'd be in the same situation as the *** scenario (Maybe you should go read it)

-Slovenia go up 1-0 in the 89th minute, US is up 1-0: Be a little bit upset, we just lost the top spot in the group. Then cheer for whoever you want to play in the knockout stage to win a few hours later.

I think you can figure out what other antics you should do depending on scores. If not just ask and I'll quip back at you.

***(In this scenario, if we were to win 1-0 it would be extremely fun. Both teams would have 5 points and advance, but to break the tie they go to Goal Differential. England would be sitting at +1, with the US at +1. Next would be Goals Scored. England would have 4, the US would have 4. The next tiebreaker is Head to Head. Pretty sure that does no good, as the teams tied 1-1. That puts us to FIFA's All-Time Greatest tiebreaker Drawing of Lots, woo-hoo!)

Week 1 by the Numbers

We haven't played an entire week, but we have seen 16 matches. All 32 teams have seen the pitch.

We don't know much, but we can begin to anticipate what might happen. We'll take you inside the numbers of the First 16 Matches of the 2010 FIFA World Cup.

9 games went to halftime scoreless, only 2 of them finished that way.

Gianluigi Buffon, Julio Cesar and Iker Casillas all gave up goals, but 13 other goalkeepers posted clean sheets. Italy's back-up didn't give up a goal once he came on. None of them won Man of the Match. 2 Goalkeepers did win Man of the Match, one of them lost 1-0 the other tied 1-1.

Of the Top 6 favorites (based on odds) only 2 teams won, Argentina and Germany

COMNEBOL went undefeated, winning 3 games and drawing twice. That 2.1 pts per team tops UEFA's 4-5-4 record 1.3 pts per team. Other conference's with draws second (as it should be) AFC 2-0-2 (6 pts) OCEANIA 0-1-0 (1 pt) CAF 1-2-3 (5 pts) CONCACAF 0-2-1 (2 pts). I'll take this time to remind you NO UEFA team has ever won a World Cup off European soil.

Cards outnumbered Goals by more than 2:1. On two occasions substitutes earned second yellows. 51 total cards, 3 second yellows and 1 straight EXTREMELY QUESTIONABLE red.

If you want to bring Siphiwe Tshabalaba, the first player to score in the World Cup, to your FIFA 10 Manager Mode team, be ready to fork over 4.9 million dollars on the transfer fee. Gelson Fernandes, the guy who scored against Spain, will cost you 5 million.

Had you for some reason picked those two players on your ESPNSoccernet.com fantasy team, as midfielders, you would have paid 10 million. Cristiano Ronaldo would have cost you 2.5 million more for 15 less points.

Some more FIFA 10, Mexico went with Oscar Perez over Guillermo Ochoa, they are separated by 13 years and 9 rating points. As for the USA, according to FIFA Ratings there are 15 HEALTHY forwards (not including Donovan who is listed as a forward) that are better than Robbie Findlay, listed as a 64 OVERALL (McBride, Adu, Ching, Cooper, Twellman, EJ, Casey, Razov, Rolfe, Noonan, Jacqua, Wolff, Buddle, Cunningham, Mathis) I will buy the argument that 3 of those guys are midfielders. Bob Bradley obviously does not play video games with his son, who is listed as a 76.

25 goals have been scored, by 24 different players, representing 12 different leagues. But nobody has scored twice. One of the scorers is currently a Free Agent. The EPL leads with 5, followed by German Bundesliga (4) French Ligue 1 (3) Turkish Super Lig and Italian Serie A (2). The other leagues all have 1... South African Premier Soccer League, Spanish Primera, J-League, Mexican Primera, Russian Premier League, North Korean 1st Division, Danish Superliga.

NO PLAYER THAT LED HIS RESPECTIVE LEAGUE IN SCORING HAS SCORED YET, meanwhile only 2 club teammates have scored: Klose and Mueller.

87.5% of the teams in the World Cup did not score multiple goals. 5 teams answered an opponents goal with a goal of their own, 4 of them tied 1-1. North Korea are the only team to score and not take a point. Meanwhile 4 teams didn't score and took points.

After Week 2, we will come back and update the old, and bring in some new. Until then enjoy John Harkes referring back to some anecdote of a game that happened a week ago each time he is asked about something going on in the game he is currently broadcasting.

Matchday 2 Review

South Korea 2 Greece 0

I will be honest I wasn't awake, snooze button FAIL. And also a DVR FAIL. I've seen the goals and I've heard about the game. Don't feel I need to say anything. I picked this game as a South Korea win and then changed my mind at the last minute. Greece play boring football and they finally payed for it. Look for more of that when they square off against Argentina and Nigeria.

Argentina 1 Nigeria 0

Once again, I was unable to watch the whole game, though I did get it on DVR. After seeing the first goal and the highlights I don't know if I need to watch all 90 minutes to catch the gist. Jury is out on whether Heinze steals away the goal of the tournament Tshabalala. Do the times make the goal or the goal make the times? Tshabalala's is the first ever World Cup goal on Africa soil, scored by the host nation, given NO CHANCE and just a ridiculous strike. Heinze's is a great header but not sure if it was nearly as meaningful. The African keepers, who have always seemed the wink link in most squads, have put on some tremendous shows in their first two games.

USA 1 England 1

The Good:

USA: Could have easily fallen apart after going down early on a defensive lapse (albeit in the midfield not the back four), yet didn't. In fact from the goal until half-time the US were the better team. Do I really need to say Tim Howard is the most vital player on this team. This team played with heart today, which is one of the traits of American football. You can't turn that on and off.

England: Despite not taking their chances, the Three Lions owned the second half. Passed the ball around the pitch like a Sunday afternoon stroll through the park. Slovenia and Algeria do not have Tim Howard in goal to stop every opportunity. In case people are worried about Robert Green, I say he made up for the blunder on the save on Altidore late in the second.

The Bad:

USA: For a player deemd "speedy" Robbie Findlay gave up on a lot of balls. poorly on the goal, and then cleaned it up. Apparently playing the game against Australia on a 45 yard wide pitched really hurt our attack. 7 guys standing in the middle of the field at one time is never going to score goals. Is it just me or does the team look completely different with Donovan wide left rather than wide right?

England: A lot of useless cards that could haunt them, assuming they go through. Not a very impressive performance from a team with that much talent. The goalie situation has not been good since David Seaman and now they are in a lot of trouble. If you bench Green, his international career is done as long as Capello is the coach.

The Ugly:

Is there any doubt? I feel bad even retyping it. You've got to feel bad for the kid. I hope he gets a second chance and redeems himself in a big way. Maybe leading England to a win in shots from the spot

I stated that the Golden Boot would be won by an EPL player. Matchday 1 saw no goals from Pienaar, Anelka, Forlan or Dos Santos. Today we get goals from Manchester United, Liverpool and Fulham.

As league totals stand for the Golden Boot

English Premier League ... 3 ( Park Ji-Sung, Steven Gerrard, Clint Dempsey)

South African Premier League ... 1 (Siphiwe Tshabalala)

Spanish Primera ... 1 (Rafa Marquez)

Ligue 1 ... 1 (Gabriel Heinze)

Saudi Professional League ... 1 (Lee Chun-Soo)

I see a Bundesliga charge tomorrow, with all but one player being home-based on the Germany squad and Slovenia's top scorer being a Bundesliga man as well.

World Cup Preview

As I said earlier the REAL World Cup starts tomorrow. As I said earlier nobody wants to find themselves down 3 points when 28 other Nations have yet to take the pitch. Pretty much what I said earlier came true, four teams all on level terms after the first matchday. So here comes the preview since we actually start tomorrow.

Group A

Mexico - 5 points

South Africa - 5 points

France - 2 points

Uruguay - 2 points

I've had Mexico and South Africa through since Day 1. Today's matches did not and will not change anything. Except for points. I originally had Bafana Bafana tied at 4 with Les Bleus but the passion they played with today changed my mind. If Marquez is back and El Tri will start to finish, they will take 3 against France. Uruguay are a 1 man team, that will steal one more point likely from Mexico.

Group B

Argentina - 9 points

Nigeria - 6 points

South Korea - 1 points

Greece - 1 points

Argentina are my cup champs and it starts off with a perfect run in the group stage. Messi is that good. They struggled in qualifying but were drawn into a group that favors them. Greece play sit and wait football and if you sit and wait for Messi he will burn you. Nigeria will have the African crowd advantage and while they may not have a Drogba or an Eto'o the Super Eagles have the pieces to advance. If Korea and Greece do not play to a draw things could change significantly confidence wise.

Group C

USA - 7

England - 6

Slovenia - 2

Algeria - 1

Yes you are reading that right and if you are intuitive you can read into a little farther. But I'm going to keep it as subtle as possible. But do me a favor and count the points and do the math. Just don't say anything about tomorrow's result based on those points. I'm being as subtle as i possibly can here. Everyone has these two advancing, I've likely switched the order of it. I've toyed with the possibility of Slovenia grabbing 5 and The Three Lions only managing 4, but it just doesn't seem likely.

Group D

Germany - 9

Australia - 3

Serbia - 3

Ghana - 3

The Black Stars are not the same team without Michael Essien. German are not the same team without Ballack, but have players to replace him. The Socceroos on the other hand have their star healthy, in Tim Cahill, and a very good goalkeeper in Schwarzer. You don't always need a keeper that can win games for you, but you do need one who won't lose them. I'm a huge Branislav Ivanovic fan but I just don't see Serbia scoring goals. With three teams splitting, goal differential will make the difference and Australia have the right balance of offense and defense to move on.

Group E

Netherlands - 7

Cameroon - 5

Denmark - 3

Japan - 0

This could be the year Netherlands finally breaks through. The team they have are top notch, gone is Van Der Sar who some people consider a goalkeeper (there is not a typo there in case you weren't sure). The other three teams make me say "eh." There are not enough free kicks for Honda in the tournament to give Japan a chance. Cameroon have Eto'o, but his form and attitude are in the wrong place. Arguably the best striker in this group is Niklas Bendtner from Denmark. How it plays out will be decided in the first game. If Cameroon come to play against the Dutch give them their ticket to the Sweet 16 and call it a day.

Group F

Italy - 7

New Zealand - 4

Paraguay - 3

Slovakia - 3

Italy's decision to leave behind Rossi is going to be there downfall. But not in this group. None of the other three teams are good enough to beat Italy, but none are good enough to beat each other either. Skrtel might be intimidating but they don't have much else (props to Stanislav Sestak from VfL Bochum but there is a reason they went down to 2. Bundesliga) In another German themes pick Paraguay may still have Roque Santa Cruz but he no longer "Ich Roque"s. I have to go with New Zealand.

Group H

Brazil - 6 points

Ivory Coast - 6 points

Portugal - 4 points

North Korea - 1 point

Mark my word North Korea will keep a team out by stealing a point. I see the Big Three in this "Group of Death" (I've argued it since Day 1, but thats beside the point) splitting. Not sure who beats who though. I have North Korea screwing it up for Portugal. And here is why...

Scenario 1. Portugal and whatever color Vapors Cristiano is wearing will be coming off an important win against the Drogbas. They will be on 3 points each with Brazil. Looking forward to a game against Brazil for seeding they assume 3 against North Korea and get burned doing so.

Scenario 2. They are coming off a loss to the Elephants, and in order to boost goal differential assuming a 3 way tie at 6, they get beat on a counter attack. North Korea goes up 1, and ecstatic to take points from anyone in this group, then sits back with 8 guys.

When you have 3 high seeds and a nobody, you really don't want to play the nobody second.

Group H

Spain - 7

Honduras - 4

Switzerland - 2

Chile - 2

Spain are everyones team to beat, but not mine. I don't think all of their superstars are mentally tough. I can't say they aren't a good team they will win the group and probably advance to the semis but I do see a slip up along the way. Another group with no clear #2, I take Honduras because I love underdogs... see South Africa and New Zealand. But since no European team has ever won the World Cup on non European soil, my Anyone But UEFA theory might just come into play here. And of course to paraphrase the great soccer commentator, Charlize Theron, those teams will be able to talk to each other in the same language.

Check back tomorrow for the Knockout Round. Where nothing special happens to all those teams that you think I'm crazy for picking.

France vs Uruguay Review

First things first... If I never see another pair of orange and silver Nike Vapors it will be to soon.

I don't think there is a more ironic sight than Henry asking for a handball.

France 0 Uruguay 0

The Good
France Gourcuff's chance on the free kick was really the only shining moment in an otherwise dull game. For fans and players, if they keep playing like that they won't have to worry about Domenech leaving on a high note.
Uruguay They took a point which is what they were going for while employing 5 in back, 3 defensive mids, Suarez and Forlan. Forlan is as advertised, he creates for himself and others just doesn't have much else.

The Bad
France Ribery never found his position, Anelka was not (as I said he might be numerous times) the only times they looked good were when Sagna got forward. Not an impressive performance. I'm not a huge Malouda fan but he needs to be on the pitch if they want to advance
Uruguay Forlan and Suarez looked incapable of playing a ball to each other for much of the game. They've scored so many goals but have to play together. There just isn't enough on the squad for them to not be in sync. Lodeiro walking off the pitch in tears, have to feel for the kid but he deserved the second card.

The Ugly
Way to many cards from Chef Morimoto in the center.
Sagna's hair. It gives him the starting RB position on this years All-Bad Hair team.
When Abreu came on in the second half for Uruguay, the announcer described him as a possible spark and a "long-haired player.

South Africa vs Mexico Review

I'm due for a preview. and I'll put it out before the REAL World Cup starts, tomorrow. I was as excited as anyone else for today's first game and still excited for the next one in about an hour. However, the first day rarely brings anything to special. Teams don't want to be battling back from down 3 points with a goal differential in the minuses. When 28 other teams haven't taken to the pitch. Look at France in 2002, when they were shocked by Senegal in the opener. While South Africa gave us something special to cheer about for a while, it ended as it should be in a draw. Check back for my preview (nothing changes even after today's results, I put South Africa and Mexico through in every pick'em I've played).

South Africa 1 Mexico (even though they were wearing black) 1

The Good
South Africa: Though they were up 1-0 and probably could have earned 3 points, Bafana Bafana has to be happy with one. Nobody has given them any chance. The young 22 year old Khune in goal, made some great saves and his distribution from goal embodied my favorite line "last line of defense first line of offense." New favorite non-American keeper (right behind tim Howard and Ryan Miller).
Mexico: The offense created numerous chances, just weren't finishing. Good teams figure out how to finish, but creating chances is tough. Marquez is back on form. Mexico also has the world's best 12th man, in that for 11 minutes they can bring in Blanco but in the 12th he's already tired.

The Bad
South Africa: Their best player did not show up. They may have been better off with Matt Damon's "Pienaar" rather than Everton's. Also not good when the entire defensive line steps except for the one who should be calling out the step.
Mexico: The defense was extremely susceptible to anyone with speed and/or two feet. You have to assume that Uruguay and France will play a speedy striker in their matches. Going forward with Perez may be a mistake. He was certainly adventurous off is line on more than one occasion, but his save making ability is not as good as that of Ochoa IMO.

The Ugly
Besides Cuahtemoc Blanco's physique? I think it was Juarez, in a tournament where yellow cards add up, halting a quick restart 20 minutes in when your team has dominated in every aspect of the game is just a poor decision.

Proud Fan of the Most Hated Team in the Majors!

The Wall-Street Journal has declared the Cleveland Indians the MLB’s most hated team. Using an Internet algorithm built by the Nielsen Company that analyzes how people feel about certain things, the Indians… not the Yankees… not the Red Sox… the Indians… were determined to be the most hated team.

Thanks to the Nielsen Co. we’ve finally won something. This study was done on the internet, and posted on the internet, it must be true. When has Nielsen ever got something wrong? We are talking about the same company that got Sports Night and Arrested Development cancelled. The same company that gave us a few more seasons worth of well-developed ancillary characters that were vital to the Heroes storyline.

“The algorithm worked by scouring the web for mentions of any baseball team, and then looked for words that revealed emotion or opinion, such as “hate”, “love”, “sucks”, and so forth.” I apologize, I’m part at fault for this ranking because I’m always Google Searching things like “Famous Indian People + Gandhi Sucks” and “Indian Casinos are poopy.” I’m not sure if Facebook fan pages count because I just joined “When the Yankees beat the British in the Revolutionary War, I was soooo happy,” and “I <3 Clean White Socks"

This algorithm has FAIL written all over, so here are the Top 10 Things I Think About This Study.
1. Also said NBA’s most hated team – Celtics, NFL’s most hated team –Vikings, NHL’s most hated team – Canadiens … +1 point for Racism on the internet!
2. It’s easy to hate the Indians, every time your team plays them you have a chance to win and winning isn’t everything you know.
3. If it weren’t for Johnny Depp and Disney, the Pirates probably would have past us. Arrr, I hate pirates.
4. Did Joakim Noah get to vote twice?
5. We scored a .9, they must have been taking into account runs per game.
6. Is Eric Wedge really that bitter?
7. John Rocker was only here for a year, so all you queers with AIDS and kids with purple hair on the Subway need to chillax.
8. DOES ALL CAPS COUNT DOUBLE??? WHAT ABOUT NUMEROUS EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!
9. What? Dorn bought the team and brought in Jack Parkman?
10. Imagine the screams of the Yankees fans.. “Nobody hates the Indians. PEOPLE HATE US WAY MORE!!”